A guide to effective pro-life dialogue

When talking to someone about the issue of abortion, your reasoning might be sound and your message might be powerful. But the message won’t really be heard if you don’t communicate it in the right way.  

The truth is that how we engage—our demeanor and approach—shapes whether or not someone is open to (and seriously considers) the pro-life view. Indeed, though knowing facts and arguments is important, you can have a productive conversation even if you know very little! Here are some tips to keep in mind to make you more comfortable, confident, and effective in conversation. 

(1) Start conversations naturally. 

Open-ended questions are a great way to get dialogue started naturally and without any pressure. You could mention a current event, a new law, or a recent article or video about abortion, and ask something like “What do you think about this?” Or you might approach your pro-choice (or undecided) friend and say something like, “I’ve recently been concerned that our culture has lost the ability to have real conversations about important topics. I’m trying to learn to have dialogue that is respectful and that looks to build on common ground, and I could use some practice. Would you mind if you and I spent a short time discussing the issue of abortion?” 

(2) Listen. 

Let the other person share their perspective with you. When you actively listen and try to honestly understand—rather than just prepare a rebuttal—you show respect and humility. The other person, in turn, is more likely to consider what you have to say. Listening also helps you know the particulars of the other person’s view so you can properly engage it; no two people are exactly the same, so don’t rely on your prior assumptions. 

(3) Show compassion. 

The pro-life position isn’t about valuing the unborn child at the expense of the mother—it’s about loving both. But most pro-choice people genuinely fear for the health and rights of women. Make a point to acknowledge the challenges pregnant women too often face and the importance of supporting and protecting them. When emotionally heavy topics arise (like pregnancy resulting from rape), be sure to show compassion and to affirm legitimate concerns. If you come across as dismissive or callous toward the awful circumstances that people sometimes find themselves in, you will lose your credibility. Make sure the other person knows that you sincerely care about women just as much as about babies.  

(4) Ask questions. 

Questions enable you to dialogue with someone rather than lecture or “debate” them (which doesn’t persuade anyone). Questions also take pressure off you because you’re not the one making assertions. You’re just asking questions, listening, and directing the conversation in a way that doesn’t seem pushy or obnoxious. 

Use questions to gain more information and to clarify the other person’s view: Ask “What do you think about this?” or “What do you mean by that?” You can also use questions to (gently) make the other person defend their position and to expose problems with it: “Why do you say that?” “How did you reach that conclusion?” Such questions force people to grapple with the issue in their own mind—to really consider their own views and why they hold them. And that can lead to a change.   

(5) Affirm common ground. 

Conversation always goes smoother when you agree with each other on at least something. Agreement builds rapport—it shows you’re not just an opponent to fight against—and can make the other person more open to agreeing with you on other things. So try to agree whenever you can: You can say “That’s a really important point,” for instance, when the other person emphasizes that pregnant women may feel unable to afford a child.  

You can also find common ground to build on, such as the issue of abortion late in pregnancy, and develop the conversation from there. Ask a question like “What do you think about elective abortions after 20 weeks?” and then “I agree, but why do you think abortion is wrong then but not earlier? What do you think is the difference?”  

(6) Draw on core values. 

People want to be consistent in their views. No one adopts a position that they think contradicts their deepest values or sense of identity. Many advocates of abortion think the pro-life position does just that. But the truth is closer to the opposite: Core values that abortion defenders typically hold—science, human rights, compassion, equality—lend support to the pro-life view, not the pro-choice one.  

You can expose the tension between those values and abortion. You might note, for instance, that the pro-life view is (partly) based on the empirical findings of science (showing the reality of human life in the womb) and that it contends that human rights belong to all members of our species regardless of their differences. You can point out that some unborn children feel pain and that their pain should matter to us. And you can show how the equality that abortion supporters value only makes sense if the basis for that equality is our common humanity, which unborn babies also share!  

What if you’re stumped? 

What if someone challenges your view and you don’t know what to say? This is why many of us are afraid to engage, but there’s a simple and effective way to respond: honesty. Just tell the other person that they've asked a good question and that you’ll have to think about it and get back to them. This shows you’re sincerely thinking about their view and not just trying to “win the debate.” It’s also a great way for you to prepare a response and keep the dialogue going into the future! 

Easier than you think 

Talking about abortion is easier than you think. By listening, asking questions, and showing compassion, you can make an impact in each and every interaction you have.  

That doesn’t mean you should expect to change someone’s mind on the spot. It usually doesn’t happen. Just aim to plant seeds—to leave them with a positive impression of a pro-life person (which will soften their heart for future conversations) and some ideas to think about. Those seeds may produce fruit over time with additional encounters and additional thought. 

This article appears in the April-June 2025 issue of MCCL News.